So this post will not necessarily be about library/book related materials (though it will mention Felicia Day's new book so technically it counts!!)
This past weekend was my first trip to a comic convention. I've wanted to go to one ever since, well ever since I realized that so many people that I admired go to them. To, then, learn that events such as these allowed people with my same likes to congregate without fear or shame, well I was sold on them!!
It was about a month ago that I decided to make the trip from Idaho down to the Salt Lake City Comic Con . My aunt and my sister tagged along. Originally I had plans to take photos with both Emma Caulfield, John Barrowman (a pic shared with my sister) and Felicia Day.
Sadly Emma Caulfield ended up canceling
On our day of the convention we ended up getting there at about 7:30 am.
Earlier that morning (like an hour, if that, before) we saw an email that said we had won the lottery to enter the Chris Evans panel.
My sister is a HUGE Chris Evans fan. Honestly he's the reason she wanted to come. So we waited in an incredibly unorganized line.
Seriously the most helpful people were fellow attendees, not the actual staff/volunteers. That early experience should have warned us about the day.
The initial crowd of people got me prepped, somewhat, for what I would be in for.
It wasn't until my aunt and I entered hours later (my sister was the only one who got to see Chris) that I realized how terrified I was.
Now, let's get this out to the way; I have severe anxiety disorder and self esteem that's somewhere lower than rock bottom. So walking into a convention hall with thousands of people (something that, honestly, I should have been prepared for) took my breath away.
I was, almost, always an inch away from someone.
There was never really a moment when I felt comfortable or relaxed in any way.
It wasn't until (while waiting for Robbie Amell's panel) my aunt and I stumbled upon the Shannara panel that I felt any moment of relief.
That, in almost all parts, is thanks to the FANTASTIC Manu Bennett!! He was probably the highlight of my con experience and I can't wait to see him in Shannara!!
Watching his panel (which I guess he shared with Terry Brooks) took me away from the worries and anxieties that had been plaguing me throughout the day. So thank you Manu!!
During this and for a while after, my sister received her autograph from Chris Evans. Her line waiting time equaled about two hours!!
Immediately following that she went to wait in line for John Barrowman. (I ended up backing out because I was freaking out about the crowds)
After dragging my aunt outside for air during which I'm sure I looked like a crazy person with a mission
(and running into both Christopher Gorham and the only person cosplaying as Inspector Spacetime) I realized something; I wasn't going to take my picture with Felicia Day.
Throughout the day, whenever we were in the car or on the train or I was overwhelmed, I took to reading her book. And I LOVED it!
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| Go read/buy it now!! |
I was a fan of hers before, but now I saw (or read) that she was so much like me (well in certain ways) that I couldn't put it down!
But after seeing the crowds, how long my sister waited (she ended up waiting almost another hour + for Barrowman) I realized that I wouldn't be able to do it.
And that sucked.
It killed me to be such a slave to my anxiety that I was literally willing to bite the $50 I spent on the Felicia photo op just to get out of there ASAP.
I know that I probably overreacted. And that I should have just grinned and bore it (beared it?) until I got my money's worth. But I just couldn't. It wasn't something I was able to do.
And let's just say that that realization had lead to a LOT of soul searching this weekend.
Ultimately I know that I would have died, or had multiple panic attacks, waiting in the 200+ people line.
And, fortunately, on our way out I did run into someone else that I loved...
We were almost to our car when we saw him walking up. (Granted I might have had my aunt ask for the picture).
While it wasn't the weekend, or first con experience, that I was hoping for; I was glad to have had it.
I realized how much I am a slave to my anxiety and self esteem issues. And, if anything, this was the wakeup call that I needed to take steps to learn to control it or, in the very least, not let it control me.
So here I am, finally, back in my own room. I have a glass of wine at my side and Felicia Day's book in my hands (well not right now, but after I finish this).
If anything my, not so good, experience this weekend has made me that much more determined to go to another con. SLCC wasn't the greatest in terms of organization and it sent my anxiety through the roof. But, while I can learn ways to control anxiety, the only way for me to be comfortable in places like this is to push myself outside of my comfort zone (which this convention definitely was)
So here's to wine, looking up therapists, the god-in-human form that is Manu Bennett and my future, successful, photo op with Felicia Day!!
